Every girl’s first period is a milestone in their life. It marks the beginning of her adolescence and brings about a lot of changes that can be both surprising and scary. During this period of transition, she will need a lot of support as well as guidance. But when it comes to the topic of first periods, it is usually a discussion reserved for a mom and her young daughter or any other significant woman figure in a young girl’s life, though it doesn’t always have to be the case. On the other hand, it can be an awkward topic for dads to navigate and even starting a conversation about it can be difficult—but it doesn’t have to be.
In this monumental moment of your daughter’s life, it’s better to be present and take small steps into learning more about it than never really addressing the elephant in the room. After all, their first period definitely wouldn’t be the last time they experience it. But how can dads guide their daughter through their first period aside from just shopping for feminine hygiene products at the store (and scratching your head while doing it too because there’s just too many products?!)?
Taking the small steps.
Instead of dreading the day your daughter gets her first period, take the time to learn more about how this whole process generally occurs beforehand. In this way, you won’t be in panic-mode alongside your daughter who’s sure to be even more horrified when she goes to the loo one day and sees it in a different colour.
According to Dr. Horton (2019) from Banner Health, the inevitable first period begins around 12 to 13 years of age. But that isn’t always the case and it may even happen earlier because differing genetics, ethnicity, and body type are deciding factors too.
Aside from getting to know a bit more about the topic at hand however, you may also want to have the eventual “talk” with your daughter before she even reaches the age where her first period is most likely to occur. Burke Miller (2019) from Banner Health, a Certified Nurse Midwife (CNM) and Master of Science in Nursing (MSN), believes that having several small talks regarding the subject is better than dropping all of the information in just one sitting. This is so the topic of periods isn't treated as taboo because after all, it isn’t a bad thing at all. Furthermore, she advises to keep any conversations of puberty open and honest. Truly, it can be an uncomfortable experience but it is a process both you and your child will inevitably go through, especially if you’re a single dad.
There will be instances however when you might not be around when her first period happens or she could be at school for instance. What you can do to prepare for this is to give her a little kit of the essentials—menstrual pads, extra underwear that she can bring with her.
Don’t panic and don’t overthink!
When the inevitable big day arrives, don’t panic. But most of all, don’t overthink. As Parente (2020) from Today’s Parent says: you don’t have to know everything like the scientific terms of a female’s reproductive system nor do you need to have a specific playlist especially prepared for her. Rather, be present, stay calm, and be there for her. Be ready to listen to her if she may need or want someone to whom she can share this experience with. If she sounds scared, reassure her and let her know that she has your support. Burke Miller (2019) specifically reminds that it is important to avoid using harsh phrases when comforting them and instead stay supportive and understanding of the fact that their first period isn’t only uncomfortable but is also an emotional experience.
Don’t be afraid.
And that also means overcoming your fear of walking down “that” aisle. Yes, it may get you a few stares every now and then and that whole aisle of shelves lined with different feminine hygiene products can be more difficult to learn than drilling a hole in the wall for some project, but remember who you’re doing it for—your daughter. Furthermore, you’ll definitely need to at least get the idea of who each product works because they’ll surely need the guidance. On the other hand, if you’re feeling scared of the whole process, it’s definitely time to man up. Parente (2020) perfectly encapsulates this when she says “all you have to do is live with us (and deal with our mood swings…”
Empower them.
Of course, there’s a whole lot more to periods than just wearing a feminine hygiene product just to get it over with or planning on what to do during the days when they have it.
If you’re a single dad, it’s a good idea to take them out to the store and explore all kinds of products they may want to try. Allow them to make their own decision regarding their periods so they can figure out what’s best for them. But understandably, not all kids are receptive and may resist talking to you about it. In which case just gently let them know of the options that are available at home for example, and if they find that it isn’t the most comfortable for them then they can let you know. Furthermore, letting them know how to deal with periods when they need to go out or are active in a particular sport can be really helpful too so that they don’t feel weighed down or limited by their period. This can be done by allowing them to have a kit with their essentials as mentioned earlier.
Stay approachable and understanding
One thing that comes with periods is the long list of symptoms every girl has to go through—whether it be cramps or having an acne breakout. Stay approachable especially during these situations when your daughter might need more help than usual. On the other hand, she’ll need understanding and patience from you on days when she feels reclusive and even a little feisty. Most of all however, while it may seem like such a big change not just in her life but in yours too, it doesn’t mean that your connection and relationship as father and daughter have changed. Rather, things are just shifting and now more than ever, your bonds are being challenged as well as strengthened.
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