More often than not, self-esteem is a commonly overlooked trait that is actually essential to a child’s growth. When children have good self-esteem, they are able to see their value, worth, and the things that they are capable of. On the flip side, those with low self-esteem may find it difficult to feel that they are just as good as other children and as a result may be harder on themselves especially when they make mistakes. The levels of self-esteem a child has might either break or make them as it is the core of their identity.
Self-Esteem vs Self-Confidence
Most people might see low self-esteem as the equivalent of having low self-confidence, and while that can be true, it isn’t entirely the case at all.
Self-Esteem manifests itself inwards and is invisible to the outside world. This is how one perceives themselves in terms of their value and worth. Essentially, this is how you feel about yourself which in turn helps guide your thoughts and behaviour as you navigate through your social relationships.
Self-Confidence on the other hand is how one presents themselves to the world. Confidence is placed on skills and abilities you might’ve learned to become good at or are just naturally good at. Having self-confidence essentially entails that you trust your abilities to succeed. Developing one’s self-confidence is easier than developing one’s own self-esteem as the former stems from building their knowledge, practice, and experience.
Therefore, it is possible for one to have self-confidence but low self-esteem. For example, a celebrity may have a lot of self-confidence in their abilities and how they interact with other people but may suffer from having low self-esteem which hinders their capability to see their own worth.
Good self-esteem vs Low self-esteem
At times, it can be easy to see when children feel good about themselves and when they feel the opposite. This is linked to the level of self-esteem they have towards themselves. But how can you tell the difference between having good self-esteem as opposed to having a low self-esteem?
Kids with good self-esteem:
Feel liked, accepted, and respected.
Have resilience which helps them bounce back from a making mistakes or experiencing failures
Think of good things about themselves
Feel proud of their capabilities and what they do
Believe in themselves
Kids with low self-esteem:
Are hard on themselves and may be self-critical when making a mistake or experiencing failure.
Feel easily frustrated, anxious, or sad.
Feel that they aren’t as good like other kids and often bring themselves down
Develop self-defeating ways when dealing with challenges like quitting, avoidance, denial because they doubt that they are capable of doing things well.
Become withdrawn or have a hard time socialising with other children.
Developing Self-Esteem
A child’s self-esteem can begin to develop as early as babyhood. It can start through a simple but meaningful act: when the baby feels safe, accepted, and most of all, loved by its parents. Receiving this positive attention is already a way for them to build their self-esteem, and with time it slowly develops until they grow older. When they begin to be capable of doing simple tasks by themselves and are able to use the new skills they have learned, they start to feel good about themselves.
As they grow, they will experience many opportunities of developing their self-esteem:
making progress towards fulfilling a goal.
learning new things at school.
start making friends and getting along with them.
learning new skills such as learning to play an instrument, solving a difficult math problem, playing a sport, learning how to draw, etc.
at times when they try hard at something to become better at it.
they feel included by others.
they feel understood and accepted by the people around them.
they do things that they are good at and enjoy.
How can parents boost their child’s self-esteem?
Building a child’s self-esteem is possible. While children might hit a few bumps in the road when it comes to developing their self-esteem, they can definitely improve their perception of themselves.
Be supportive and realistic
Being supportive means having your child’s best interests at heart which includes encouraging them to do the things they’re good at such as their hobbies and encouraging them to do their best in school. On the other hand, being realistic means remembering that your child can still make mistakes and experience failure. They aren’t perfect and it isn’t your job to make them so but rather, guiding them and being present to support them so that they are able to become the best that they can be.
Praise your kids, but do it wisely
As parents, witnessing your child’s achievements as well as acts of good behaviour is already deserving of praise. Naturally, praising your children is good and it’s a way to show them that you are proud, however there are ways to go about it without potentially having a negative impact on them.
Don’t overpraise
Giving praise where your child hasn’t earned it isn’t actually helpful. Kids know when they are successful and have worked hard, similarly, they are also aware of when they haven’t. Rather than praise your child for doing a great job at something when they know they didn’t perform well, it’s better to say “I know that wasn’t your best, but everyone has their off days. I’m proud of you because you didn’t give up.”
Praise their effort
Instead of simply praising them for being good at something, offer them praises for their progress, effort, and attitude instead. For example, “I’m proud of you for doing your best on that Science project of yours”, or “You’re getting better and better at spelling.”
Do away with harsh criticism
As the saying goes, words cut deeper than a knife. The messages kids hear about themselves often impact their self-esteem, and it can significantly take a hit especially when they hear negative messages. Harsh words such as “You’re lazy!” do more harm than motivate them. Instead, correct your kids with patience and focus on what you want them to do.
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