Parenting is one of the most challenging jobs that people do but is also one of the most rewarding. The responsibility to have a healthy and happy child greatly lies on the parents’ shoulders. Fostering empathy, honesty, self-control, cooperation, and kindness may be challenging, but disciplining children helps lift these tedious but fulfilling tasks.
More than telling children how not to behave, discipline is about guiding them how to. This concept is usual to some families while some focus on telling the things that should not be done. The latter is also okay, as long as the central theme of discipline is to guide the children and help them discover a better version of themselves. The kind of discipline that pressures them to behave without understanding why they should act or think that way will only give birth to unanswered questions and miscommunication. A generation that does right things out of fear may turn jumpy and fragile.
The best way to make sure that the children will listen is when they have a warm and loving relationship with their parents. This is the kind of relationship that not only gives importance to setting boundaries but also pays attention to giving children the chance to be listened to and be understood.
Also, different ages require different parenting styles. For toddlers, they can understand what is right and what is wrong but it should be noted that toddlers are in the process of understanding emotions and feelings so it is normal for them to get overwhelmed.
Here are some of the proven effective ways to discipline a toddler:
Set family rules
To have effective discipline methods, there should be a guide that every member of the family will follow. Parents are accountable for their child’s behavior but everyone at home is responsible for setting an example. Some rules could be:
Everyone is responsible for cleaning up his/her mess.
Ask for help when you feel like it is hard for you to do something.
Speak nicely or calmly.
No climbing on high surfaces
Always ask for permission.
Create boundaries, explain consequences
The boundaries and consequences of the rules should be made clear to children so they will not get confused and they know what to expect. For boundaries, children may be allowed to vent their anger or frustration but it should be made clear that they are not to disrespect anyone at home. Another example of setting boundaries is when you allow your child to ask for the things that they want at home before doing the grocery or shopping, but they should not ask for more while doing the grocery. Other than preventing a tantrum in public, this helps the child to regulate their self-control. Giving in by buying something that is not on the list even though you two agreed on the rule will make your child think that it is okay to bend rules as long as he wants it.
As to explaining consequences, this will help children to understand how their actions affect things so they know what to expect. To picture, if it is agreed that there should be no more add-ons, explain to your child that throwing a fit to get their way will lead to them not being allowed to choose what to buy for the entire week.
Be an example
Showing your child that you are also eager to follow the rules and manifest good behavior changes the way he sees discipline. Instead of thinking of discipline as a limitation on the things that he can do, he will see it as a routine that should be followed to be a better grown-up someday. For instance, toddlers find it hard to control emotions like anger and frustration. Rather than shouting to them or being mad about their negative emotions, show a calm façade. Allow them to express their frustrations but be sure to stay while it happens. They will remember that they were listened to and you did not do anything harmful while they demonstrate their feelings. After this, speak calmly but firmly.
Punishment and reward
There will be times (a handful of them) that parents do not expect their child’s behavior. Younger people like them are still learning to understand emotions so it is harder for them to regulate these. It is better to be patient because what adults say to children, regardless if they mean it or not, has lasting effects. When a child misbehaves, punishing them physically teaches them to be anxious, fearful, and unconfident. This will only create a gap between you and your child. They might learn to lie just to avoid punishment. Some punishments that may help include:
Shorter screen time
Doing a household chore
No sweet treats for 3 days.
Some families also find the thinking chair to be very effective. As a punishment, a child will sit on a chair and face the wall of a room where he is alone. He is to sit there for five minutes and think of his actions. After a while, parents will ask their child’s reflection before explaining to them gently but firmly what went wrong.
For rewards, you can give children some treats so they will feel good about themselves. Treats as a reward will encourage them to behave well. Also, should praise their children when they are well-behaved. You can say things like: “I like it when you say please or thank you when asking for a favor”, “Good job”, “Thanks for listening”, “I appreciate you trying to behave”. These things may seem simple, but it means a lot to your child.
Disciplining a child today may be different from the ways of the past. However, change is constant and what works before may not have the same effect today. What is important is to have a balanced and warm relationship with your child so they are well-guided while they are still young. Being guided on a right path is essential for a child to develop into a well rounded and well mannered individual. Its important to give them the proper guidance when growing up to become a responsible and good member of the community.
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