Every parent has a different method of raising their children and their approach to parenting can be formed from how they were raised when they were younger or it can be that they’re trying out a different practice, especially if they were raised under harsh conditions as a child. Certainly these times are more challenging given the situation of the pandemic, and in caring and loving for these children, there can be various ways on how to respond to their needs.
According to a survey conducted by Pew Research Center, 43% of their respondents had stated that they raise their children similarly to how they were raised while 44% are trying a different approach in their parenting. Meanwhile the 12% stated that they’re neither trying to raise their children similarly or differently from how they were brought up.
It’s interesting to note however, that in this research, five distinct themes surfaced when asked to describe the specific ways in which they raise their children in an open-ended question. These themes primarily are: values & religion, behaviour & discipline, love & relationship, education, and finally freedom & authority.
When it came to putting in the figures, it would seem that in teaching values & religion, this area received a 63% similar rating in contrast to a 13% which leaned towards different.
On Values and Religion
When it comes to teaching values and religion onto their children, the 63% who had voted on similar centred around the values of teaching their kids the importance of having respect for others, developing good morals, and having a strong work ethic that would benefit them once they become grown adults. Others mentioned a different focus which revolved around more contemporary beliefs and ideological values.
It isn’t much of a surprise that when it comes to values, many adults who later on become parents often realize that what was taught to them when they were younger are important life values to have, even though at the time it didn’t make much sense.
On the other hand, when it came to religion, there was quite a divide. While some approach raising their children by also introducing them to the religion they were brought up with, giving as much importance to the religious beliefs and values taught to them before, another portion mentioned that they didn’t include this in their approach as their main focus is to teach their children to become open minded and to have compassion.
When it comes to religion, it’s a theme that’s quite subjective, and while people may find that this belief system works for them, others may not have the same experience. These differences may come in perhaps due to being raised in a religious household or a lack thereof that it is being introduced, or that such beliefs don’t align with theirs and find that it’s best to remove that amount of religious influence.
Meanwhile, in love and relationship, 44% leaned towards different while 16% answered similar.
On Love and Relationship
A common theme in love and relationship that leaned towards the different scale showed that this time, parents gave more affection and care towards their children, in contrast to the treatment they received growing up. These parents want to make their child feel their support, wanting to raise them in a healthy environment where they feel secure and happy.
Many years of previous parenting gave way to the “tough love”, which is more often than not, abuse disguised as a means of parenting. This has resulted in many adults feeling inadequate or having difficulties processing their feelings and emotions in a healthy manner. Sometimes, it could be that the parent was negligent and didn’t give neither support nor guidance.
Whereas those who answered that their ways of showing love are the same as how they were raised mostly stems from the fact that they were raised in a happy and supportive household, and this time they want to extend the same love towards their children.
In terms of behaviour and disciplining their children, 29% leaned towards similar while 32% leaned towards the opposite.
On Behavior and Discipline
Parents who answered that they discipline their kids similarly to how they were raised pointed out the importance of instilling to them responsibility, manners, doing household chores, as well as respecting and following the rules. Unacceptable behaviours such as lying weren’t to be tolerated.
Meanwhile, those who answered that they are trying things differently in this aspect focused more on their parenting style and their approach to disciplining their children, namely by taking on a gentler approach, while others stated that they take a firmer stance in disciplining.
It’s important to note that about one-in-ten of these parents, according to Pew Research, mentioned that corporal punishment was not something they would use when disciplining their children.
Finally, when it comes to education as well as freedom and autonomy, there weren't as many responses as the last three categories above. In terms of education, 9% leaned towards similar while 5% were the opposite. Meanwhile in freedom and autonomy, 5% leaned towards similar and 8% towards different.
While both sets of parents on different ends of the spectrum agree about the importance of education, such as making sure their kids work hard and do well in school, parents who are raising their children similar to how they were raised also expressed high academic expectations for their kids. Whereas another group emphasized that they wanted to give their children better education than they had thus enrolling them in a private institution for example. Finally, some give their children a bit more freedom and leeway when it comes to their academics because they grew up with strict parents.
On Freedom and Autonomy
A common approach mentioned by the parents is allowing their children to act like children. That is, to give them the freedom to be kids and explore the world and their environment with curiosity while guiding and supporting them.
Parents described their approach as allowing their kids to make their own choices and to learn from their mistakes. Meanwhile, some emphasized that they wanted their children to learn how to become more independent.
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