As children grow up they will eventually need to learn how to become independent. But of course it will be a challenge and they will make mistakes. But being responsible and self-sufficient are traits that can be encouraged with patience and proper guidance. One way of approaching this and teaching it to children is by way of “positive parenting”.
What is Positive Parenting?
Positive parenting is a lot like what normal parenting is: caring for and nurturing your children. However, what makes it different amongst other parenting styles is that parents focus on positively enhancing and strengthening the internal strengths of their child.
Researcher and developmental Psychologist, Marilyn Price-Mitchell, PhD created what is called the Compass Advantage framework which includes the core strengths that help children grow to become their own person and includes the following attributes: empathy, curiosity, sociability, resilience, self-awareness, integrity, resourcefulness, and creativity. Furthermore, in her article about Positive Parenting, she explains that positive parenting puts emphasis on giving kids the loving attention they need whilst helping them strengthen their abilities rather than focusing on their weaknesses. This also means doing away with harsh verbal and physical punishments.
At its core, positive parenting is “nurturing, empowering, nonviolent” (The Committee of Ministers of the Council of Europe, 2006).
A Few Tips on Positive Parenting
Learn to manage your anger.
Anger can often lead people to act impulsively and say harsh words in the heat of the moment. With it being a tendency to make others act violently, anger makes a negative impact on children and may cause them to process their emotions and reactions in the same way. This can lead to bullying and acting out. Meanwhile it also impedes their emotional growth and ability of self-regulation. Which is why it’s really important to learn how to manage your anger especially when dealing with kids or dealing with other people.
Admit to your mistakes.
While many strive to reach perfection, it is a rather unrealistic expectation to have because no one really is perfect. At some point, you’re bound to make mistakes and even parents fumble sometimes too. But rather than brush it off and pretend it didn’t happen, it’s actually healthier to admit to it. From there, being open to learning and receiving feedback from others will help children understand how to bounce back from their mistakes and follow suit.
Spend time together.
Perhaps the simplest way to create a healthy relationship with your child is to regularly spend one on one time with them while being a model of good behaviour which they can emulate.
Naturally, children seek attention and emotional connection from their parents. By spending more time with them, you’re able to help them develop to become more self-confident not only with themselves but also with how they navigate their relationships with other people. More importantly, you and your child are able to create a deep and more meaningful connection with one another.
Less rewards, more encouragement
When it comes to parenting, rewards are often a big player in getting kids to do what you want them to do. However, there have been studies showing that kids who often are rewarded are more likely to lose their interest in the activity they’ve just been rewarded for. This is because they’re more interested in the reward, thus in order to maintain the same quality of behaviour you may have to continue giving out rewards.
Which is why rather than sticking with rewards, using encouragement is a better way of bringing out the best in your kids. In order to do so, encourage the specific act they’ve done like when they’ve helped out another person you can say, “That was very nice of you to do.” Be sure to emphasise how the person may have appreciated their kind gesture.
Keep in mind that when using encouragement, you’ll want to avoid phrases that point to their character or personality such as “you’re so smart” or “you’re the best in the team.”
Now that you know a little more about positive parenting, it’s time to dive into how to help ease your child into learning to become independent.
Tips on teaching your child independence
Doing household chores
The most basic and easiest way to teach them independence is to allow them to help out with household chores starting with easy tasks appropriate to their age. Eventually, as time passes they can be handed more complicated tasks. By learning how to do the household chores, they learn important life skills like cleaning, cooking, and making sure the house is orderly.
Planning and organizing their time
Hand out a personal calendar for your child or a planner which they can use to put in their plans, personal routines, schedules, and important dates to remember. Help them out by suggesting activities or by reminding them of important events which they need to remember.
Give choices and freedom (within limit of course)
As kids grow up they eventually develop personal preferences and their own opinions. You can begin to offer them choices when it comes to activities that they might want to do for the day. This also means allowing them freedom to a reasonable extent. Remember that you’ll want to give a specific number of choices, say three or two options so that they don’t feel overwhelmed. Ultimately, this is a great way for them to voice out their thoughts and explore their preferences more.
Allow them to go solo on social gatherings
Play dates and social gatherings are a way of letting them exercise their freedom as well as decision making when with other people. If they’re feeling ready, this is a great way of boosting their self-confidence and socialization skills.
Make them responsible for their bedroom
Their bedroom is their personal space and by allowing them to be responsible for it means they learn how to take care of their own space and belongings. They should be expected to put their toys away after use, tidying their bed when they wake up, putting their dirty clothes in the laundry basket, etc.
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